A tear of truth

However you look at it, it's always coming back to you. Whether it's just a memory of being sorry or simply a sip of the real world. You know you can't go back and make things right, because it's just the way thing work. Dreaming will eventually kill you, even if it's only that part of you which only tried to do something and take full responsability for it or that one true self that suffers from every single lie.

You won't know what hit you when things start to go wrong, because that part of reality is only for making you feel guilty and reminiscing about right or wrong.

The tear that falls on your cheek is that part of the truth that you hate the most, that holds a grudge on your lies, that you will eventually cover for. It's nothing but a way of being held responsible for something you have never thought will happen, for a small part of happiness. And what happens to that happine

ss in the end? It fades away, being knocked over by your overrated lies, full of unrelated stories, creating a road back to your old self and worse, making your life a living hell.

A tear is suppossed to be a simple way of showing your dissappointment or happiness, but under some uncreative ideas it has been proven that it's only the leftover of the truth you are trying to hide so hard. What will eventually happen? You will fall in a black hole, the Black Hole of lies, the sort of place that scares you more than Hell. It's that place where you are covered in your own lies, our only escape being the part where you're telling the truth.

Avoiding such nonsense as "telling the truth" the only good thing that could happen to you is death, mental death.

Eaten by your own fully made up fairytales, it won't take long till you'll end up with a blank face.

Don

't try to fa

ke yourself, don't try to prove yourself through lies, don't try to analize and compare lies cause you won't get a second chance if caught. You'd be dead by the end of the week.

So..be carefull and wash your teeth before going to sleep.

“Hate”, you just can’t quit it

I hate it when everything stops going well. I hate it when everything goes wrong. But most of all, I hate it when I can’t smoke a cigar. I hate that in this shit world all the snow is like small pieces of shit: you get a 10, then that means you’ll just get a 4 next time; you smile and laugh, it just means someone is planning to piss you off; and what’s worse, you never think of these as bad things, because “it could be worse”.
Worse?! Worse my ass. There is no such thing as looking into the future seeing that tomorrow a car will run over you. There is no such thing as second thoughts, the first thought is just the stupidest idea you could come up with, and the second one? It’s the old saying “I’ve just peed and I have to go again”. It doesn’t mean it comes in a row, it’s just that you couldn’t finish the first time. So don’t think twice, just do it better or you’ll never stop peeing.
Whatever, shit still happens even if cops are around, even if friends are around, even if… And will always be the same.

A page full of hate won’t make me smile, it’ll just make me pee. Because I’ll laugh my ass off after the first shot.

You can' deny it

8PM: Think think think. Right. Too simple to accomplish or just too hard to do. Nothing different than the usual stuff like: using my X-rays to see through my notebook, looking at the same black spot on the right side of the wall. But my mind is still blank. Now I was supposed to say “like always” but it can’t be like that. It simply can’t.

What am I actually thinking of? Music? School? Friends? Family? None of them. It’s like my mind hates me for trying to force those topics inside. It’s like my mind stopped working. Why? What? How?

Don’t even want to make it work. Don’t want to think about anything. Don’t want to think about tomorrow, today or even next week. Nothing matters if life goes on. It’s like trying to accomplish something you know it’ll never come true. Useless, a waste of time and even makes you angry. That’s why it’s already

9PM: Mad and feeling awful. Strangely enough I don’t even want to think why. Feeling useless and powerless. Jesus fell down [actually fell off his chair but those are just tiny details]. Eating [or using] KitKat won’t make you feel better and strong. But at least it will “clear” your thoughts.
Everything starts at the ending of the begging, and never sooner. That’s why it was meant to be that day, at that hour, exactly in that location.

10PM: how can it be? It was only that short? It will never be the same? Why? We’re the same people and we’ll still be ourselves, even after 5 minutes of reading this piece of shit. That’s right. We can still drink 7 shots [+DOUA] and play ligretto like there’s no tomorrow. Earth still has the shape of an oblate spheroid even after 4.54 billion years.

11PM: I can tell you now, after wasting 2 [DOUA] minutes of your fascinating life that the trip [DOUA] OWNED.

Escape, seems like déjà-vu

‘Run, run, run.’ The single thing I can hear in my mind. Seems simple and easy, but it’s pretty much hard to accomplish. And also sounds familiar.

Silent footsteps…then run as quick as you can. Lock the door. Jump the last five stairs and take a deep breath. The cold air hits my skin. Next song: This war is ours by ETF.

‘Feeling in the mood for something dangerous’. It’s not like walking on the road at 5 am makes you somewhat excited, it’s just that this lyric get’s you in a trance. And afterwards you feel like wearing your sunglasses waiting for the sun to rise. It’s just a way of showing that you’re not like the others, normal, simple and usual. You make the lyrics glow, you make them feel real. Which just happens to be a special view for that special someone that is watching [Attention: kids, don’t try this at home]: a lunatic with sunglasses in darkness, feeling excited, yelling some lyrics, while walking alone on the street. Sounds cool, right? [You’ve just got PWNED]

5:02 am. Feels like the time stopped for a second, just for me to wake up and see. What? That I’m currently walking on the street at JUST 5am. Nothing’s weird till now. Actually I managed to escape for like 2 minutes from what I wanted.

Looking around and seeing nothing. At least nothing else than what I expected.

Walking into the park brought nothing more than a sight from me. The exit door still seems far away from me. Everything seems so…asleep. Like it’s too early. ‘Yeah right…early my ass!’

I’m just trying to find a place…a place to hide. From what? Duties? Nah, too simple. Stress? Since when am I stressed? School? It’s weekend, what more. Then what?
Everything seems so logic and…

Wait. I feel like I forgot something. Something important. And by that I don’t mean grandma’s glasses or my head. Nothing looks weirder than a person that stops in the middle of the road and stares at some inexistent point for 2 seconds before searching desperately for its cell phone. Cell phone?! That’s it. I forgot to turn off my phone -.-‘

Situations...are irrelevant now. So just walking will eventually get me to the instrumental part, where Monte rocks his guitar sticking his tongue like crazy.

The Halloween topic. “Injects my head with lies, slowly crushing my bones, sending me to my grave.” I feel the pressure. Getting older is not a choice; it’s a way of turning you black and blue [or just getting wrinkles].

I will fight my battle till I fall, till I conquer them all. All those stupid ideas will eventually dig your grave. But we should just feel 10 miles further from our grave than we were last year.

These issues, they choke me like a noose.

I get it now. This déjà-vu. It’s not from trying to escape a simple birthday, it’s actually escaping from these 4 minutes of “blabla-ing” till the song ends. Lying is not my favorite fashion so “Happy Halloween”.

Heaven or just simply a dream?

I open my eyes at the sound of my alarm. Of course Teukie’s laugh always brings a smile on my face. Look at the clock. Shows 7AM. My sight falls on the white light that comes from outside. I get up and move closer to the window. Everything outside is white. Is this a dream? Could it really be Heaven? A false laugh, almost like a cry escapes my mouth. After all the bad things I did, it shouldn’t be hard to answer that question. I open the window and play with some snow. It’s cold. But I can’t seem to fell it, I just know it. Everything is covered with snow…watching it really relaxes me. Suddenly, my phone starts ringing. I listen to the ringtone till it gets to the last part…”On and on…precious love”

How can I possibly not know the date?

A really strange day…
I wake up with a smile. Ah…no school. Of course the usual non-school program gets “in the way” of my sleeping process. Go out with my friend. Visit our ex-school. Meet my brother running on the halls of the school. Chill…it’s just a normal day. Go to the Mall for some “shopping”. Of course I couldn’t live without going with the elevator. Of course the elevator had to stop. Luckily, we were with the security guy. Thank God there weren’t any girls with the Princess Syndrome. But of course we had to wait 20 minutes till they made it work again. And of course we didn’t eat anything and the security guy was talking about pizza. It couldn’t get worse. Starving in an elevator.
But no…it got worse. How can a person be so fucking narcissist? Dunno. Don’t care. Just laugh and hope you’ll get home. Not safe. Just getting home alive is a great thing. Even getting eaten by an alien could have been better.
A really good start of the winter vacation. Haha~ Merry Christmas!! And be safe, aliens are watching~

Searching for "it"

It’s already past midnight. I look blankly at my screen trying to wake up from my state. I feel tired yet happy and exited. Don’t know why. Maybe because tomorrow [which practically means today] I have my math exam. I look outside. The street is empty. I don’t know what I’m searching for. I just know that it’s missing. I slowly close my eyes and sit my head on the keyboard. I try to remember what is “it” that I’m searching for. A book. A key. A pencil. Or just a simple note. I don’t know. I just know it’s important.
It’s already 00:30. I feel my eyelids hard as I try to look for “it”. ‘Fucking shit. What the hell are “you”?’ I asked myself annoyed. I search again and again. But I still can’t manage to remember.
2 hours pass by and I still didn’t manage to find “you”.
I wake up in the morning. It’s 6 am. I start looking for “you” again. I open my computer and read some comments on R.A.F. That fucking word. Fucking 3 letters. I open my browser and search for that. The first photo. I click on it. “Found you” that’s my first thought when I look at the photo.
Fuck that perfect ***XD