Heaven or just simply a dream?

I open my eyes at the sound of my alarm. Of course Teukie’s laugh always brings a smile on my face. Look at the clock. Shows 7AM. My sight falls on the white light that comes from outside. I get up and move closer to the window. Everything outside is white. Is this a dream? Could it really be Heaven? A false laugh, almost like a cry escapes my mouth. After all the bad things I did, it shouldn’t be hard to answer that question. I open the window and play with some snow. It’s cold. But I can’t seem to fell it, I just know it. Everything is covered with snow…watching it really relaxes me. Suddenly, my phone starts ringing. I listen to the ringtone till it gets to the last part…”On and on…precious love”

How can I possibly not know the date?

A really strange day…
I wake up with a smile. Ah…no school. Of course the usual non-school program gets “in the way” of my sleeping process. Go out with my friend. Visit our ex-school. Meet my brother running on the halls of the school. Chill…it’s just a normal day. Go to the Mall for some “shopping”. Of course I couldn’t live without going with the elevator. Of course the elevator had to stop. Luckily, we were with the security guy. Thank God there weren’t any girls with the Princess Syndrome. But of course we had to wait 20 minutes till they made it work again. And of course we didn’t eat anything and the security guy was talking about pizza. It couldn’t get worse. Starving in an elevator.
But no…it got worse. How can a person be so fucking narcissist? Dunno. Don’t care. Just laugh and hope you’ll get home. Not safe. Just getting home alive is a great thing. Even getting eaten by an alien could have been better.
A really good start of the winter vacation. Haha~ Merry Christmas!! And be safe, aliens are watching~

Searching for "it"

It’s already past midnight. I look blankly at my screen trying to wake up from my state. I feel tired yet happy and exited. Don’t know why. Maybe because tomorrow [which practically means today] I have my math exam. I look outside. The street is empty. I don’t know what I’m searching for. I just know that it’s missing. I slowly close my eyes and sit my head on the keyboard. I try to remember what is “it” that I’m searching for. A book. A key. A pencil. Or just a simple note. I don’t know. I just know it’s important.
It’s already 00:30. I feel my eyelids hard as I try to look for “it”. ‘Fucking shit. What the hell are “you”?’ I asked myself annoyed. I search again and again. But I still can’t manage to remember.
2 hours pass by and I still didn’t manage to find “you”.
I wake up in the morning. It’s 6 am. I start looking for “you” again. I open my computer and read some comments on R.A.F. That fucking word. Fucking 3 letters. I open my browser and search for that. The first photo. I click on it. “Found you” that’s my first thought when I look at the photo.
Fuck that perfect ***XD

Friendship is rare^^

There are times when I ask myself “Why did I do that?”
There are times when I regret “Why did I have to say it?”
There are times when I don’t understand “Why is it always like this?”
It’s always the question ”Why?”
It’s always in the beginning of the month.
It’s always…you
Why? That’s right. I don’t know the answer, cause if I knew it I would have tried to stop it.
“What if I didn’t say that?”
“What if you were wrong?”
“What if you weren’t that stupid and at least tried to understand?”
Hmm…Right. Another question without an answer “What if?”
“How does it feel when you yell at me?”
“How does it feel when I don’t talk to you for a week or so?”
“How does it feel when you don’t understand?”
How? You don’t know, right?
“What are you trying to say?”
“What will I do?”
“What will happen to us?”
What? I don’t know either.
“Did you have to act like you were crazy?”
“Did I have to say that?”
“Did it have to end like that?”
Again…no answer

I feel so tired of trying to show you the right way. I feel so empty, like I cried too much and there are no tears left to cry, but I didn’t. I feel like a knife is pushed thru my heart. There are no words of describing my state.
But I also know…
You feel angry whenever I don’t look at you when you talk to me. You feel down whenever I don’t talk to you. You feel lonely whenever I don’t come home or hug you. There are also no words of describing your state.

There is only one thing that I don’t question. I know for sure that we’re both too stupid and stubborn to admit we were wrong. I know it hurts both of us. I know it always ends bad and we always try to stop in the middle but it’s always to late.

Right now I’m not mad at you because you yelled at me or other things. I’m mad at you because you live with the thought that you know me well. Well…newsflash you don’t. If you knew me as well as you think you do then you would have seen something’s fishy when I came home yesterday. But you just came into my room and yelled just because I left too early. You didn’t even try to look at me. I thought maybe I was too stressed and my mind was tired. But it happened again today. I came home with too many problems on my head and, maybe this time it was my little mistake, I made a lame joke, like you always do to me, but I never got as mad as you did.

Why did I have to do that joke? What if you looked into my eyes? Did you have to act like that? What will it happen?

I hate you for being so selfish. Not selfish like you care only about yourself, selfish because you think you do the right thing for me, but it’s actually good for you.
I hate you for always making my life hard when it’s already full of problems.
I hate you for not keeping your promise. The promise of being friends and not ruining our friendship.

But just as you said…I’ll keep smiling cause that’s my personality. I’ll take care of ‘my kids’ and make them happy.
Peace^^

Randomness

[to the reader…you won’t understand a thing about what I wrote. When you’ll finish this you’ll only think that I’m crazy and weird. But maybe that’s my point. You are weird ‘cause you can’t understand and I’m weird cause I wrote something you can’t understand. So…we’re even]

There’s always a thing that makes you special, unique, different from the others. Or just weird.
Look around. What do you see? Random people walking on the streets, right? Well…you’re wrong. They aren’t JUST random people. Take ‘that’ man as an example, the one in a black suit with a white blouse and black shoes. By what he’s wearing you’ll think he’s either a business man or mafia’s head. By the looks, such a muscular man you’ll think he’s a gangster with muscles instead of brain. Wrong. He’s just a seller, since he just closed the nearby market, and he’s really polite as he helped an old lady cross the street. Conclusion he’s a mannered seller.
Ex. 2: the young looking lady across the street. By her looks you’ll say she’s in her 20’s. By how she acts you’ll say she’ll be an actress. Wrong again. She’s 42 y.o, as I read when she took out her wallet and saw her ID, and she’s a stylist, since she was speaking with her friends what she’ll do tomorrow at work.
Everybody is unique in their own way of being, of acting, of eating or just living their life. An that’s not such a…
OMO…an UFO!!
I have to go now. I’ll continue after I hide from that huge UFO.

Pinky Promise

Silly…Remember when we were playing with the other kids from the neighborhood? Remember when we avoided your annoying cousin and she told your grandma? Remember when we played ”Truth or Dare” on the lobby and I gave you a peek on the cheek…you blushed so hard that we thought you had fever? Remember when we played that childish game running like crazy that the neighbor yelled at us? Remember when we took care of 3 spiders and your grandma yelled like crazy when she saw? Remember when I played the piano for you and you said you liked it? Remember when we painted our little “house” but couldn’t finish cause we didn’t have enough paint? Remember when we had a club and we fought because that was what they did in cartoons, but soon stopped and smiled? Remember when you climbed the big cherry tree and were to afraid to climb down and I had to climb and help you? Remember when we made fun of the kid next-door cause he couldn’t read? I still remember our childish acts. But do you remember when you confessed and I told you that I don’t want to break our friendship? I still remember. I remember I broke your heart and I’m sorry. Do you still remember that we grew up together and after you told me you had to leave? You broke my heart.
After 2 years of only speaking with your cousin and asking her about your health, you knocked at my door. You changed so much. Though I bullied you and made fun of your long hair and big nose, you knew I was happy to see you. And I could see that you were also happy to be back to the place called “home”, where we spent our childhood, happy to see everybody, happy to see me. We stayed all night and talked about random stuff. You changed into a more handsome and mature person. But though you changed I could still see that kid that always acted like he was the oldest, but came crying whenever I hit you too hard. Even if you were more mature, I still managed to bring that kid back and laugh like in the past.
I miss that little kid. I miss our childish acts. I miss everything. But I always smile and move forward. And time to time I look back thru memories and smile.
You didn’t call me. But that’s my fault, cause I forgot to take your phone number. And still, you should have called.
Though I’m afraid you might have changed too much, I still want to see you, to chat with you, to laugh with you. Like old times.
See you next year, right? Pinky promiseXD

Is it or not?

It's late. It's night. It's already dark outside. I look on the window and see you sitting in the cold with only a scarf. My heart speeds up. I feel my stomach weird. I don't know nor understand this feeling. I look at you. Suddenly you turn your head and look up, like searching for the gaze that fell on you hours ago. I hide. Afraid of showing myself. I look down, you're still there. Waiting...waiting...just waiting. I'm confused. I don't know what I feel. I suddenly end outside, walking slowly to you. I sit on the bench and watch the moon. We stay like this for hours, just listening to the silent wind hitting our skin. I reach my hand out of the pocket to touch yours. Suddenly I wake up in my bed. I look around. There is no sign of you. It's like you vanished. It’s like you were never there. Then I realize...it was only a dream. 'Only a dream' I repeat sadly in my mind looking outside the window. There were 2 hand shapes on the bench I dreamed of.Maybe it wasn't just a dream?
Maybe...I'll never know

HaHa...just like this

Another day. Another week. Another homework.
Everybody is sad. Everybody is depressed. Everybody feels down. Why? Don’t know. There has to be a reason for all my cute little ‘kids’ being so sappy lately. I want to know what caused this sadness. I want to make them happy. I want to help them. I want to see them smile.
Though it’s hard, I’ll work hard. I promise.
I promise I’ll bring back your happiness. I promise I’ll be there for you.
But all I want is my ‘kids’ smiling happily.

2 seconds ago
You called me yelling happily in my ear. That’s what I was waiting for.
One step to my headache going away.
Smile. Be happy. And always trust UmmaXD

Ce cute…Ce dragut